The WORST day of my LIFE!!

(The following piece was written as part of the Bob the Dog Blog on January 28, 2010 for Waggish Apparel.)

You’re NEVER going to believe what happened to me.  I’ll give you a hint:  I’M SOAKING WET!  Here’s hint part two:  IT’S NOT MY FAULT!!  That’s right, “bath time.”  Listen, I’m a busy guy.  I’ve got balls to fetch, naps to take and dropped food to scarf!  A bath is not on my top ten list of things I wanna do.  Here’s that list if you were wondering:
1.       Eating
2.       Playing
3.       Sleeping
4.       Eating
5.       Playing
6.       Sleeping
7.       Eating
8.       Playing
9.       Sleeping
10.     Eating

“Taking a bath” is number 12 (oh, and number 11 is getting neutered AGAIN!).

So check this out:  I’m sleeping (ol’ numero three) and I hear somebody coming.  I then spring into action (‘cause this means one of two things (you know what they are (it’s time for one or two (eatin’ or playin’)))).  At this point I’m psyched!  I start running and I’m excited, I’m lovin’ life.  As I turn the corner I hear the sound of running water (never a good sign) and (my head screams “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”) the reality of the situation I’m in has hit me.  I just know I’m a goner.

What I’m going to tell you next will chill you to the bone:  I was BATHED!  There was soap and water everywhere.  COMPLETE MADNESS!!  It was scrub, scrub, scrub, rinse, scrub!  I hear, “you sure are dirty, Bob” and all I can think is “NO THANKS TO YOU, BOZO!”  Now I’m all wet and I look like an IDIOT!  This has got to be the WORST day of my LIFE (just like the title says)… AND I NEVER EXAGGERATE!